MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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