Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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