I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
