got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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