he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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