I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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