he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
