i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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