i don't like sucking hair
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
