Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
