Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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