I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize