This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
