ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
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Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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