please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
