haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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