I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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