twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
