I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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