im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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