God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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