now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?