Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"