Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
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guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations