i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.