Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs