do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
