So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
