I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
