I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize