When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
