She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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