My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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