just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
