she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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