i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
