You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
