Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
