Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
