I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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