literally had 100 drinks last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
