I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
