White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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