Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed