I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?