you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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