We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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