People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
