Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Two words: nipple clamps
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