dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize