she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
