Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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