it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
