i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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